trusting God in the ‘middle’

Some of the greatest moves of God in life looked irresponsible, emotionally driven, irrational, or even flat out foolish before they ever looked fruitful.

Truthfully, a majority of my walk with Jesus has been filled with moments where people quietly questioned whether I was actually hearing God correctly because as I would keep in step with the Holy Spirit, it wouldn’t always make logical sense to people who needed visible evidence before they could trust an instruction.

My husband once told me that for a long time he thought it was “just Jordyn being Jordyn” when it came to the way I followed God and I knew exactly what he meant by that… because to him, I was free spirited, and childlike in wonder and faith. From the outside, it could easily look like personality instead of discernment/hearing the voice of God.

There were moments where even I wrestled internally with that tension too. I would genuinely question myself because when God leads you in ways that don’t immediately make natural sense, you don’t always get external confirmation right away.

Sometimes all you have is an instruction, a deep knowing in your spirit, and the decision whether or not you’re willing to look foolish obeying it.

Just like Abraham leaving what was familiar without knowing where he was going, Noah building before there was ever rain, or Joseph holding onto dreams that made absolutely no sense while his reality looked nothing like what God promised. Walking with God has always required faith before evidence.

I remember years ago getting fired from my job because I had missed so much work while my baby had constant ear infections. Around that same time, I was dealing with flat tire after flat tire, financial pressure, instability, exhaustion, and honestly it felt like life just kept hitting me from every direction at once. I remember feeling so much shame but it was through losing my job that I actually went from teetering on the fence of living half way for God and ended up truly encountering Him where I was able to fully submit to Him in a way that caused a radical transformation in my life. However, I had a temporary contract with a new job and after my contract was up, that company offered me a full time position but I denied it because I heard God tell me to not apply ANYWHERE for 40 days. He told me that the job would call me! That seems impractical because faith without works is dead, but it required a lot of faith to WAIT and trust that I truly heard Him correctly. SO often we want to conjure things ourselves and surrendering can feel very difficult.

What I thought was destruction was actually divine interruption. God was dismantling a version of me that was surviving without Him. 40 days later, I ended up getting a call from that same company that fired me; they wanted to rehire me, promote me, and pay for my schooling. WHATTTT???

There was also the time I got rear-ended and some of the sweetest friends blessed me with $2,000 to put toward a new car because they saw my situation and wanted to help immediately. Logically, the responsible thing to do would’ve been to go buy another vehicle right then and there, but deep in my spirit I felt God telling me to wait. I had no peace about trying to get a new car at that moment, and not only did I feel Him say wait, but I had this unshakable vision internally that somehow I was going to be given a car for free which honestly sounded insane even to say out loud. I remember almost feeling embarrassed by it because how do you explain something like that to people without sounding detached from reality? Yet six months later, a couple obeyed God and gave me a car completely free.

I think that’s what following God has continually done in my life…it has exposed how deeply we crave guarantees before we feel safe enough to trust Him fully.

Because trusting God with provision is one thing but trusting Him with your heart is another.

There was a time where the entire area surrounding my now husband carried so much fear, pain, resistance, and guardedness for me that when God began softening my heart toward restoration, the process felt incredibly vulnerable. I knew how easy it could be to confuse mercy with self-abandonment if your heart is not truly healed and I needed God to work deeply in me so that any openness, forgiveness, or restoration would come from wholeness rather than woundedness. And now looking back I can truly say, marrying my husband became the best decision of my life outside of following Jesus.

People are comfortable when faith feels logical but following God always costs something.

It costs your pride.
It costs your control.
It costs the version of you that learned how to get by through patterns not rooted in truth & love.

God will often require trusting Him before you have clarity, proof, emotional comfort, or visible evidence attached to the process.

But if Abraham needed the full map before leaving, if Noah needed evidence before building, or if Joseph abandoned the dream because the process looked nothing like the promise, they would have walked away from what they were called to do.

And sometimes we do the same thing.

We tend to walk away because obedience feels too uncomfortable before we ever get to witness the fruit attached to it.

Most times, people witness the fruit of obedience, but they often filter your faith through the lens of your personality, your emotions, your history, or their own understanding. People will call you impulsive when you’re obedient, emotional when you’re discerning or even reckless when you’re surrendered. If you are not deeply rooted in what God spoke privately, people’s discomfort with your obedience will make you question what He already confirmed.

Some of the greatest miracles in your life will begin in seasons where your obedience looks irrational before it looks fruitful and if you quit every time faith feels uncomfortable, you may walk away from the very thing God was trying to lead you into all along.