narcissistic environments
For years, it felt like my obedience to God brought more pain than purpose—more loss than gain. I couldn’t make sense of it.
At times, I felt abandoned. Even though I knew the truth—that God never leaves or forsakes me—it still felt like I was being punished. I found myself crying out, “God, I obeyed You. How did it come to this? Did I hear You wrong? What did I do? Could I have avoided this?”
It took me two years to begin understanding it all, and even now, I’m still uncovering new revelations from that season.
What I once saw as punishment was actually a setup.
So lock in—because I’m about to tell you the story of the time God led me straight into a cult.
You could question why He does that….but that’s another blog for another day :)
A few years ago, God led my son and me to move to a new city—a place that was never on my radar until He made it clear it was part of His plan. I believed we were stepping into a vibrant, close-knit faith community that felt like home, and although I loved my previous church, home, and stable life, I felt a deep conviction that this move was from God. I received 3 prophetic words prior to confirm we would be moving. However, it felt like a breakup—painful but necessary—because I sensed there was more ahead.
I longed for a deep, life-on-life community, especially as a single mom, and the new group seemed to offer that. But soon after arriving, things unraveled. Two months in, my new car was totaled when I was rear-ended in an accident, and I was left without transportation in a new city, feeling isolated and abandoned. Worse still, I came to realize the community I joined had cult-like behaviors.
What I thought was a promised land turned into a season of deep loss and disillusionment. God eventually told me to leave that church, and over time, I realized He had been walking me through deliverance—exposing the toxic, even abusive dynamics that can hide behind Christian language and community. It was painful, but eye-opening, and it took years to truly understand.
What I’ve learned is this: Sometimes God will lead you straight into less-than-ideal situations—not to punish you, but to position you. Just like Joseph, who was thrown into a pit and later a prison, or Paul, who found himself in chains—God still used those “low places” to elevate His purposes and advance the Kingdom. The assignment isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always strategic.
These kinds of environments often begin with love bombing—an overwhelming flood of attention, praise, gifts, and promises. You’re told you’re “chosen,” “special,” or “finally home.” It feels intoxicating, and that’s the point. It rushes intimacy, bypasses discernment, and builds premature loyalty.
That’s how they got me. I was drawn in by what felt like genuine love and care, but I was deceived.
After the love bombing comes the withdrawal. The goal is emotional dependency—making it easier to manipulate and control you. It follows the classic narcissistic abuse cycle: idealization, devaluation, and then discard.
These systems—whether in churches, social groups, or even families—often follow the same pattern:
Authoritarian leadership that demands loyalty and suppresses questions.
Us vs. them mentality, where outsiders are demonized and insiders are told they’re the chosen few.
Gossip as control, used to create insecurity and competition.
Codependency and enmeshment, where personal identity and emotional boundaries are blurred for the sake of belonging.
These aren’t just personal flaws—they’re systemic behaviors rooted in spiritual manipulation.
I began to see through it. I discerned the spirits at work and eventually felt God clearly nudge me to LEAVE.. Ironically, not having a car at the time protected me from getting more deeply entangled.
But when I left, there was spiritual backlash—witchcraft, rejection, and torment hit hard. I was disoriented and spiritually attacked. The one thing that grounded me was hearing God say:
“Jordyn, you can either be a carbon copy or a caged free bird.”
I chose to be free.
People accused me, questioned my obedience—but a year later, some of them began to leave too.
Eventually I reached a point where I finally asked God, “What in me is attracted to these systems?”
And it felt like Jesus had been waiting for me to ask.
Suddenly, deep-rooted family dynamics and suppressed memories surfaced. God told me I had to confront these issues.. He said, “To remain in denial is to dismiss that it ever happened.”
Denial was delaying the healing & deliverance in my life.
When I pursued healing, everything changed. My identity solidified. I no longer walked in low self-worth. I stood boldly in what I believed—even when it meant being misunderstood or rejected. God showed me the root of my repeated pain was a familiar spirit—one that had drawn me back to the same cycles and systems again and again. But what the enemy meant to keep me in bondage, God used to set me free.
Now, as more and more toxic spiritual environments are being exposed, I urge you:
Ask God the hard questions. Let Him show you what’s really going on in your heart and in your surroundings. Don’t trade your freedom for false belonging.
There’s no affirmation from any community worth more than your soul’s alignment with the truth.
